Bizarre and Bazaar

Hello, loyal readers! It's been a crazy couple of months. There have been bazaars and feasting and workouts and travel. Then came the snow. Where we live, snow isn't just snow. It means ice and the ice is treacherous. It was so bad this time that a bazaar I was supposed to sell at was shut down. So I have decided to put together my own. But more on that later. Being home bound for 3 days gives one lots of time to fiddle around on the internet. I came across this lovely group of photos meant to glorify the fine calling of housewife. I am the last person to put it down. I chose it for myself and I love being a wife and mother. I also know how messy it can really be. So the following tableau is borrowed, but the captions are all mine. I hope you enjoy!

"I love my new combination waffle iron and two-way radio! Now I can receive messages from my comrades while I prepare a nutritious breakfast for my family."

"One minute I'm in the chemistry lab, the next I'm in home-economics class. Oh well. At least I get to make coffee. It's sort of like science."

"Whisk, whisk, cha cha cha. Whisk, whisk, cha cha cha. Move over, Arthur Murray!"

"How many porches would I have to sweep to earn a bus ticket to New York?"

This new bra gives me so much support, and now I can give directions without lifting a finger!"

"I may not be able to tell my mother-in-law how I really feel about her unsolicited advice, but that won't stop me from pretending this egg is her skull."

"Mother, that crepe is funny looking." "Yes, mother. The edges are all ragged."

"The next one who opens her mouth is going to get a face full of hot, ragged crepe."

"After we finish the laundry, I'll show you how to make your own pasta."

2 loaves of bread

1 pound of bologna

1 b̶o̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ case of wine

"Making sure to baste well and leave enough water in the bottom of the pan so that the baby doesn't dry out."

"Don't hate me because my life is so glamorous."

"Little does he know I've got my overnight bag and $200 under this laundry. Atlantic City, here I come!"

"This is how you squeeze the juice out of the orange, much like life has squeezed the hopes and dreams out of me."

"Where are those woodland critters? This house isn't going to clean itself."

"I am a role model for wives everywhere, and I can't even make toast."

"Sure, it takes a really long extension cord to iron in the front yard, but the neighbors seem to enjoy the show."

"This is the last meal I cook for those 7 little twerps! I need a normal sized kitchen."

"It's very important that you hold the broom correctly, otherwise you'll never be able to take off."

"Honey, I don't mean to complain but what happened to the big table, and my chair, and where did all these children come from?" "You're not meeting expectations so you've been replaced. You'll find your severance check with your suitcase in the front hallway. It's been real."

"I can see my face in this bathtub. So when does fulfillment hit?"

"And once you've washed out the blood, be sure to clean the sink with bleach."

"Junior's done! It's your turn, Bobby." "NOOOOOO!!! I don't want to play in the oven!!"

"Not too heavy on the arsenic. You don't want it to overpower the flavor of the soup."

"I pumped it all myself in just 2 hours with the Pump-o-Matic!"

"No body, no murder. Ketchup covers a myriad of sins."

"All of my troubles have disappeared since getting this amazing egg beater that also wrings out dish rags!"

"This new dish soap is amazing! He's never been so frisky."

"I have no idea what I'm making here, but I look good doing it. Isn't that what really matters?"

"This wood polish works miracles. The only evidence is this goofy smile on my face."

Now, back to business. There will be a small bazaar on Wednesday (December 21, 9-4) for last-minute shoppers. Local entrepreneurs will be here with handmade items to sell. Come by and check it out!